![\"\u270c\ud83c\udffc\"](\"https:\/\/fonts.gstatic.com\/s\/e\/notoemoji\/15.1\/270c_1f3fc\/72.png\")
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"When my therapist asked me the famous question…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“How will you know you’re feeling better? How will you know you’ve met your goals?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was surprised by the truth that came to my mind first; “when I can throw together a outfit and feel confident out and about all day.”\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I used to be able to tell how bad of a state I was in by how fixated I would be on my outfits getting dressed, yet still leave the house feeling icky. Growing more self-conscious throughout the day, maybe even driving home to change clothes, eventually developing the belief that “fashion and aestetics are superficial,” with a pattern of dressing casually safe. Which usually left me feeling frumpy and inauthentic, knowing there was fun pieces tucked in my closet that I just didn’t have the confidence to pull off. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was afraid of being seen as trying to hard, not professional enough, too innocent, too tacky, not cool enough to pull off something bold, not edgy enough to wear that.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Too much of this…not enough of that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Flashbacks of friends saying I dress like a grandma are flickering in…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Maybe it’s age, maybe it’s healing, but I’m realizing that I can embrace all of those things.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am edgy. I am quirky. I am dainty. I am sexy. I am a professional. I am my grandmother’s granddaughter. I am vintage. I am current. I am multi-generational. I am multi-dimensional. Basically, I’m amazing.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Funny how I am just realizing fashion is an inner child thing for me…recently in a quantum healing hyponsis session, a vision of a photo comparison from my childhood scrapbook brought me to tears.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
On the left, a rock star halloween costume – pink cheetah pants, platforms, a green snake skin jacket, space buns. Smiling big and swining my glo stick around (in retro spect I was closeted rave baby). <\/p>\n\n\n\n
On the right, a prim and proper no teeth smile, sitting a church office chair, a white frilly shirt with flowers and sparkles, hair half up, ironically holding my green snake skin jacket in my hands.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When I look at my childhood photos, I can always tell how authentic I felt by which smile I had.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In that moment of the session, it brought me great despair to realize I learned to suppress and mold myself to my environment early on. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
At my middle school fairwell I was voted most likely to win project runway. I remember being shocked and confused – where did that come from? It was a school requiring uniforms that I attended since elementary, so I grew up slowly squandering the expression avenue of fashion. I did show out on dress of choice days though…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am not exactly sure when or why I lost that rock star spark, but I do know I am finding it again. I can proudly say I’ve worn *almost* everything in my closet with confidence and successfully express my mood through fashion *most* days – which is a big statement for a newly unmasked sensitive to rejection human. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I’m having fun styling, adding new twists to base layers, accessorizing, trying new aesthetics, mirroring the seasons, being bold, and keeping an edge when I go casual. I’ve realized I need to spend chuncks of time dressing up and planning outfits so that I don’t have to stress in the mornings and default to casual or frumpy. I am mastering the art of dressing like my multi-faceted self \ud83d\ude42 <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I still have frumpy days, but they match my mood every so often instead of being the norm.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I still use the awareness of insecure fixation on outfits as a tell on how I am actually doing, and some days I pack a different pair of pants or shoes…just in case. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But more and more I leave with no back ups, and move through the day with confidence. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Don’t get it twisted, I still rip everything off and get comfy as soon as I get home, because let’s be real – beauty is pain and sometimes that shit is uncomfortable. But changing comes from a sense of reward, not disgust.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
*patting myself on the back*<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I see you, little fashionista Courtney. I’m sorry for the years I forgot about you, I’ve got you now.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We in dis bitch. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
When my therapist asked me the famous question… “How will you know you’re feeling better? How will you know you’ve met your goals?” I was surprised by the truth that came to my mind first; “when I can throw together a outfit and feel confident out and about all day.”\u00a0 I used to be able […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/soulbycourt.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/155"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/soulbycourt.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/soulbycourt.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/soulbycourt.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/soulbycourt.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=155"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/soulbycourt.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/155\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":156,"href":"https:\/\/soulbycourt.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/155\/revisions\/156"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/soulbycourt.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=155"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/soulbycourt.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=155"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/soulbycourt.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=155"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}